THINGS NO LONGER AS THEY SHOULD BE.

when i got saved it was a given that in Christ i was a new creature all old things were passed away behold all things got made new. my SPIRIT got renewed as it got translated from the kingdom of darkness into the Lambs Book of Life BUTTTT!!!!!!!!to use a well known AA
cliche....WAS I IMMEDIATELY HAPPY JOYOUS AND FREE????? NOT HARDLY!!!!! and trust me, i wasnt always this great wonderful person to be around either. one of the first things that happened with me was the realization that the role i played in other peoples lives and they in mine no longer fit. i spent the first few months being PRETTY angry.
and one of the first things i had to ask myself was...WAS I REALLY ANGRY AT THEM OR WAS I MORE ANGRY AT MYSELF BECAUSE ID ALLOWED, EVEN CHOSE TO DO WHAT I DID. the next thing i had to also get was THEY hadnt changed... I HAD!!!! at the very heart of "being unequally yoked" with ANYONE is when someone changes while others in their world stay the same and are not able to accept that YOUVE changed, we got a problem, folks. NO. YOURE NOT GOING TO BE ALL HAPPY JOYOUS AND FREE ALL THE TIME. God never promised me a cakewalk. ive gone thru some drastic changes and some of them hurt like the devil. and i was pretty angry at times and i at times was a pain in the butt to be around. God only promised Hed never leave or forsake me. and i can take that to the bank!!!

i recently heard about a case of a woman being a sociopath and that it was SUPPOSED to be
physiological rather than a choice, something wrong with her brain wiring and she had no control over it. now i dont agree with that, because if someone realizes the difference between right and right, that to me IMMEDIATELY makes them responsible for their actions. but, thats a whole new ballgame there and im getting offtrack. well, she was married to a man she didnt love, she only married him for his money, she was unfaithful to him in order to further her career and wound up sabotaging her lover to do that, and, EVEN after realizing what she was,
her husband STILL wanted to stay with her and his reasons are all too common in those who fall into the trap of relational idolatry........HED RATHER BE USED THAN TO BE ALONE!!
pretty pathetic, huh? and, heck yeah, his wife was all for that while she still was a sociopath..she could just keep draining him dry. then she underwent radiation that worked on her brain, and VOILA!! she was no longer a sociopath. WELLLLLLLLLLLLL the first thing that she did was look at her longsuffering hubby and tell him how pathetic he was and she couldnt see herself spending the rest of her life with someone like him. not exactly a sweet loving response, but no longer being willing to be with someone who would allow her to use him KNOWING she was using him was actually a big step in being healthy. and often, when we become healthy, the first thing that happens is sometimes people have to go.

of course, in actuality, its not that simple. no amount of HUMAN therapy is ever going to make a person ever GROW a conscience. only GOD can breathe life into a dead heart. but i could see thru the eyes of this woman just what happens when suddenly you realize you simply cannot go on with life the way it once was and suddenly things are no longer the way they should be. suddenly having a GOD-CENTERED life, rather than a ME-CENTEREDa life put my whole world in an upheaval. i could see my life both thru this woman and her husband. in her husband, being willing to be used rather than being alone, shows how much i lived my life without an ounce of faith in ANYTHING but my own self-centered fear..which is ALWAYS FEAR OF LOSING WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE AND NOT GAINING SOMETHING YOU WANT TO POSSESS!! it was not trusting in God to provide me with anything or anyone better. thru the eyes of the woman, who was no longer willing to live a lie,...its like this-seeing she WAS married, loving your spouse is a CHOICE not a FEELING and God can teach you to love even the unlovable. now if you arent married, the first thing you will realize is one day God will find you the person who WILL be your spouse, whom you WILL love for the right reasons. the VERY FIRST THING i saw when i came back to the Lord is that i HAD TO STOP PRETENDING AND GET REAL!!!!! DISHONESTY OF ANY KIND IS ALWAYS ROOTED IN FEAR

False
Evidence
Aappearing
Real

to get to cannaan almost always first reguires me to go thru the wilderness FIRST!!!!!